A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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