you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
