please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
