I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
