So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
