I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
