i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
