worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
