alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
