The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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