When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Houston, we have a squirter
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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