I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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