this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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