He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
