I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
