ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
