were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
