Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
