I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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