I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
