I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
