that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
