I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
