she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
