he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
