dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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