so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
