Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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