Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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