Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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