I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
