4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
