People in love make me want to vomit
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
