I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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