i already hear my dad disowning me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
