addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
