if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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