I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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