I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
