Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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