I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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