I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
