Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
