Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
