Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
