my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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