chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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