the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
