we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
