So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
