I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
