she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
