We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
