I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
