I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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