I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
