My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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