It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
