Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
