Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Randomize
