i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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